Friday, June 25, 2010

Adventure Time!

You've read the blog and you've seen the pictures. You've said to yourself "Gosh, Kady's life is so glamourous and exciting! I think I want to be an archaeologist/adventurer too!" I have some advice for you. This is also kind of a "things I have learned the hard way" and a rant against stupidity.

There are lots and lots of bugs in the world. I mean lots. Now, lets say I have a bug on me. Let me know, say, "Hey - there is a bug on your (location of bug)". You can also lean over and brush it off or flick it off with a trowel. Do NOT however begin flailing about and screaming - first, the bug isn't even on you, and second, we're in a 3by3 hole about 10 feet deep and you have a pick in your hand. Stop flailing. If it kills me, you may flail, but not until then.

Ticks are the purest form of evil next to dragonflies. They come in sizes from freckles to quarter sized. You have a couple options when it comes to removing ticks - pull it from yourself or go to a friend and ask them to pull it. The other option that I strongly do not reccomend is going into hysterics. It just makes me want to throw all of my ticks on you. - My other tick suggestion...make sure it is a tick and not a freckle. Freckles bleed a lot when you scrape them off with a knife. I would know.

Clothing and Accesories:
You need boots or tennis shoes - not flip flops. Flip flops do you no good in the jungle. Long pants other wise your legs look like they went through a wood chipper. Don't believe me? Take a gander at my legs when I get home. Not pretty.
You know what you don't need? Make-up. Who are you trying to impress? That cute looking tree next to you? Or maybe the bucket of dirt? Nobody cares. All you need is jungle perfume, more commonly known as bug spray. Also the finest lotion known to man - sun screen. Thats all you need cosmetic wise.
Those super cute dangly earrings? Leave them on the damn bathroom counter. Why are you straighten your hair - the humidity is 97% with no rain!!

They know more than you so shut up and listen. End of story. You want them to like you when you've got a big spider on your back.

I don't care how brave you are and how you'll try anything once. If you don't know what something is - ask. Otherwise you find out what it is the hard way. Yeah, go google "gibnut" - I ate a giant rat. Find out what it is, and still try it, but for the love of God - I had nightmares about gibnuts in my guts.
Also, most of the food is made when you order it. If you're going to have a cow over waiting an hour for the most delicious nachoes ever....than order the fruit plate. It will still take at least 15 minutes. Enjoy the company of the people you're with. Talk to the locals. Chill and relax for a bit. Flipping out doesn't make the food come any faster.

Stick to beer. American beer is incredibly weak and so is most of our liquor. I can tell you from personal experince a shot of rum doesn't touch me, a shot of Belizean rum and I'm running around yelling that I'm a fruit bat - yes, we got it on video and no you can't see it. Be smart about it. Have one beer until you know how's it going to affect you. There is nothing worse than being drunk in a country where you don't speak the language, it's dangerous too.

Finally and most importantly...
Your Trowel:
Your best friend next to your bandana. It is more than just a tool for scooping dirt. It opens coke bottles. It removes ticks and other bugs. It can cut rope and roots. In a pinch it can even be a spoon for eating your lunch, just scrape as much of the mud off as you can.

3 Simple Rules:
Eat when you can
Sleep when you can
Party during the weekend as hard as you work during the week

1 comment:

  1. What a great post. Thank you for the comic relief. Love you.